I was working with a client recently who has been succumbing to ‘stinking thinking’. And by ‘stinking thinking’ I am saying that she is thinking thoughts that do not serve her. In response to this trend we had a chat about viewing her life from an observer’s perspective, instead of getting triggered and reacting.

‘Just observe your thoughts as they come up’ I said to her.  As we are both Game of Thrones fans I added; ‘Like an internal ‘watcher on the wall’ if you will.’  For you non GOT fans, the ‘watchers’ are the men from a group of soldiers called the Night’s Watch, who, high atop the ice wall, keep a look out for invading bands of ‘Wildings’ and zombie like ‘White Walkers’.

Tapping Into Our Inner ‘Watcher On The Wall’

When we learn how to tap into our inner ‘watcher on the wall’ BIG changes can occur.

Instead of reaching for that third bowl of potato chips, when our ‘watcher’ is activated, we have an opportunity to pause and question our automatic responses (like reaching for more potato chips!).

And with the pause comes the chance to ask;

‘Is eating this third bowl of potato chips really what I want to do right now?’ Or am I just bored? Maybe I am actually tired and what my body really needs at this moment is sleep, not more potato chips’.

With our inner ‘watcher’ alert we are less prone to falling for triggers like a snarky comment from a co-worker, or a judgmental remark from a family member. Instead we can simply sit back and observe the scene, and then tune into our inner dialogue ie. how we are reacting to what is being said, and questioning why we are reacting as we are.

The ‘watcher’ at work….

The watcher on the wall process might go along the lines of;

 ‘Wow. That is so interesting. I was telling X all about my fabulous new work project and then she said;

‘I hope you got that raise you have been wanting given all this extra work you are doing’.

Your ‘watcher’ contemplates her statement.

Hmmmm. How curious. She said that and then I felt irritated, because I have not yet asked for that raise. I can feel myself wanting to get defensive and argue with her, but I’m going to stay with this and let the situation unfold. I will let that trigger slip away. Yes, that certainly feels better.

‘Shoulding’ All Over Ourselves And Others

The client I was referring to at the start of this post has been troubled by thoughts such as;

‘I should have been promoted to senior management years ago”.

‘Really? I ask her. Should you have been? Who said that? Because I didn’t. Seems to me you are putting that pressure on yourself.’

To my client I added this.

‘And when you repeat that thought to yourself; ‘I should have been promoted to senior management years ago.’ How does that make you feel?

My client responds.

‘I feel bad’. 

‘I feel bad’.

Not how we want to feel right?

No, we want to feel good!

How can we take steps towards our goals and create amazing things in the world when we feel ‘bad’?

We can’t.

That is why we need to work on feeling good. And to feel good you need to think positive thoughts. Thoughts that will serve you and energize you and keep your momentum up.

Train Your Watcher To Do This….

So train your ‘watcher’ into catching these red flag phrases;

I should, I must, I need to, I have to.….

If you are thinking these kind of thoughts, that means is that your ‘watcher on the wall’ is asleep at the switch. The barbarians (unhelpful thoughts) are at the gate and your ‘watcher’ need to ‘get woke’ pronto or they will slip past and once they do, well then there will be trouble.

There will be trouble because…

….your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your life.

Wake up your watcher, keep him / her alert and keep your thoughts helpful.

And it will all be good.

xo

Elizabeth

Jumping June 50% Life & Career Coaching Sale! … (*only until June 30th)

**** And there is just under a week left to take advantage of my ‘50% Off for 50 Years On The Planet’ (my fiftieth birthday!) June special.

50% off my 3 signature coaching programs but only until June 30th.

Space is extremely limited so book your spot ASAP.

Get the full deets HERE

The post Like on ‘Game of Thrones’? Kind of. Activating your inner ‘watcher on the wall’ for a better life. appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.

– Kate Spade

First Kate Spade and then Anthony Bourdain. Could the week of ended on a lower note?

Kate Spade!

With her whimsical and colourful handbags and note paper.

Kate Spade a depressed person? How can this be?

And then.

Anthony Bourdain.

The well loved pirate of the cooking world. A man with such a lust for life, such gusto, with an innate ability to connect and make us want to travel and eat and embrace life.

WT heck?

The world is still reeling.

I gotta admit Friday morning after scrolling through the news on my phone I cried.

It was like I lost a friend.

We Have to Keep Talking About Mental Health 

This past week has been a reminder.

A reminder to keep talking to each other, to keep connecting, and reaching out and asking ‘How are you doing?’ and more importantly,  ‘How are you really doing?’

And if we know of a friend who is struggling right now, check in with them.

We are all busy, with full lives and competing priorities, but if we lose the ability to connect with others and to care, we are truly doomed.

On Shame 

We can’t let shame get the best of us either.

There is no shame in feeling broken, unloved, or less than. We ALL have been there one way or another, had some type of mental health crisis – be it depression, anxiety, a panic attack, whatever…

You don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to have a mental illness.

And know there ARE solutions to this!

There are ways to work through whatever is dragging you down, but to do that you first have to have to –

tell someone.

It is ok to lose the battle…

…but keep fighting the friggin war!

A couple of resources to share;

The best books I have come across in terms of getting past shame and finding the courage to be vulnerable, to open up to others about your pain, is Brene Brown’s work.

‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ and ‘Daring Greatly’ are two good jumping off points. Her TED talks on these subjects are excellent as well. Google them.

Pema Chodron’s book ‘When Things Fall Apart’ is another excellent resource.

Crisis Hotlines

Canada – http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca

U.S. – http://crisiscallcenter.org/get-help-247/

Europe – http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Europe/

If you need any specific info / resources feel free to connect with me at admin@fullflightlifecoaching.com 

And, if after this rough week you want some good news….

Because it is June, my birthday month and I’m going to be half a century old – yep fifty years old!!  I have put together a fun little something that you can check out HERE

xo

Eliz

The post Yep I cried. appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.

TGIF!

Hope you are having a fantastic day!

I’m talking about goals today so keep reading to find out what my pant size has to do with my current goals and my ‘word of the year’!

Well it is the end of the week peeps and we finally seem to have seen the back end of the winterish weather. It is sunny as I write this but more spring rains are a coming apparently, on par with living in a rain forest I guess!

I am in a ‘fabulous Friday’ kinda mood as I am off to see U2 and Mumford and Sons at BC Place tonight with Steve!

Cannot wait!

I think the last concert we went to together was Coldplay about 5 or 6 years ago, we are well overdue.

And yes I did pay WAAAAAYYY too much for these tickets through a ticket resale site (thinking I was purchasing in Canadian $ when it was really $US-gulp!) but I am going to put that aside and enjoy the show, and for the record I am TOTALLY going to lobby for legislation to out- law ticket re-sales, I cannot believe that this is allowed! What hasn’t anybody done anything about it? I will be contacting my MP this week (I don’t know why I didn’t do that at the time I got fleeced, but will do so now!).

I am also feeling particularly pumped this morning as I am on an endorphin high from my workout at Thrive Fitness Studio. The instructors there really know how to push you (so much so that you can barley lift a loaf of bread the next day) but overall I haven’t felt this good in a long time.

I need to give my friend Erin props for suggesting it to me;

‘Thx Erin!’.

I have a bunch of updates to share with you today – related to my ‘Word of The Year’ so be sure to keep reading because there are some points I am hoping you can take away and apply to your own life.

Let’s go! 

Passion Dream School is Underway!

This week I am fine tuning Module 3 of Passion Dream School, my online course that is all about creating a more peaceful and gorgeous life.  I can’t believe it is Week 3 already, we are about half way done! And the feedback about the course so far has been good. Yay!!!

As I review the information contained in the first 3 weeks of the modules – about owning your worth, creating your ideal environment, and goal setting, I find it is helping me recalibrate my daily practices and improve my focus as I continue to work towards my goals.

‘Word of the Year’ Update

If you have been a Full Flight Insider for awhile you will know that every year I like to choose a ‘word of the year’ (WOTY) -a word that represents how you want to feel in the coming months, and for 2017 I choose ‘LEAN’.

I liked ‘LEAN’ as it represented what I aspired to, not just in my body and overall health and wellness, but in my home environment, business and finances too.

So that means for this new year I intended to;

• lose some weight and gain muscle (become ‘lean’ in my body)
• de-clutter my home and create a more uplifting, peaceful environment (make my space ‘lean’)
• weed out unnecessary expenses, fees, charges etc. from our financial investments and ensure that we only hold worthwhile vehicles  (make our finances ‘lean’)
•  in my coaching business, get more specific about what I provide as a coach and who I can best serve, while paring down programs that no longer resonate with me, or my overall business model (make my business ‘lean’)

We are now four months into 2017 and let me tell you, for the first two months I really wondered about the wisdom of choosing ‘lean’ as my WOTY AND announcing this publicly on social media!

February was a dismal month as the kids were sick and then there were snow days so school was cancelled, and it all felt like two steps forward, one step back.

By month three though, I found my stride, and I want to share with you a few things that helped me stay on track with my WOTY, as my experience may help you as you focus on your own ‘WOTY’ and your own goals for the remainder of 2017.

SO ABOUT ‘LEAN’

Why I quit my gym…

Although I liked the gym I was going to (and had been going to for about 15 years) I quit last month, because in January I started a small group training exercise class (as mentioned above) at a studio close to my house. Going to my previous gym and working out on my own wasn’t getting me the desired results, so I knew I needed to change things up.

When I first started the class (1x per week each Wednesday)  I could barely get through the 45 minute circuit (and my ongoing plantar fasciitis didn’t help matters either-still not cured of that BTW), but over the next few months I saw an improvement in my cardio and strength, so a few weeks ago I decided to add a second class.

I am happy to report I feel like a different person!

Here are some changes I have noted;

-I went for a bike ride with my kids and my youngest said “Mom slow down you are going too fast”, where as in September I was huffing and puffing, trying to keep up with them. *That was my first big clue that I was making gains (I have not weighed myself since January and I have NO CLUE what I weigh right now).

-Last weekend I went in for my 3 month assessment at the studio and instead of holding the plank for 40 seconds I held it for a one minute 15. Instead of lifting an 8 pound weight like I was doing back in January, I was now lifting 15 pounds. I could not even do a proper burpee when I started and now I can do 10 in a row.

-I went shopping the other day for new summer pants and bought two pairs that were both a size smaller than what I was wearing last summer.

Improvements!!!

Why I didn’t care that I irritated our financial planner…

So you know how I was focussed on making our family finances ‘leaner’?

Well in February I spent TWO WEEKS, (yes two entire weeks) reviewing every aspect of our financials- mortgage, debt, investments, RRSPs, RESPs and Oliver’s RDSP (registered disability savings program) AND doing research on the best investment vehicles for our family. (Handling the family finances doesn’t really turn my husband’s crank, but I actually enjoy it and I think I am pretty darn good at it too!)

This financial overhaul meant talking at length to our advisor and asking him any question that came up. My advisor is a patient man and he responded to all my emails and spent a couple of hours over those two weeks on the phone with me explaining anything I didn’t quite get.

There would have been a time not so long ago where I would have just accepted the advisors recommendations and not spoken up about anything I was confused about, but I can’t live like that anymore. I am at that point in my life that I don’t care if I ‘make waves’ (and it has taken me a long time to get here!).

I figure it is our money and I need to understand where it is going and what it is doing, and I don’t care if my many questions irritate someone.

Because I spoke up I now have a much better understanding of what is going on with our investments and the market,  and once I had the information I needed I instructed our advisor to move money from funds of their choosing to funds of MY choosing and in the process switched over some $ from mutual funds to index funds (lower fees).

Last month our investments had a great month, so so far so good!

But really, regardless of what happens in the market, I feel it is a big WIN, because spending time and energy to understand what is going on with our money and then making our financial investments ‘lean’, turned out to be a very empowering experience.

The state of my office

Welllllll……, it hasn’t come along as far as I had hoped but my husband is almost done with scraping the ‘popcorn’ off the ceiling, so I am hoping that by next weekend we can start prepping to paint.

Once painted I can move out of the laundry room (where my desk and computer currently are) and set up shop again. When I moved into the laundry room several months ago I did a big purge of old papers, files and books and I will do another before moving back in.  I am slowly getting streamlined and creating a beautiful new space to work in, and I bought a new picture for my office wall which I can’t wait to put up.

So in terms of streamlining my home (making it ‘lean’) it is coming along!

The state of my business

As mentioned the Passion Dream School course is underway and I am having a blast with it !!!

I discovered the I really love creating audio trainings (a big part of PDS), and this is something new for me. This course is all done on-line which is fabulous as the participants can work on it on their own time, and re-listen, review portions as need be.

Due to scheduling conflicts, I decided not to run another round of the ‘live’ Power Posse group this spring, but I am looking forward to catching up with the last PP group next month for a coffee, a hike and coaching ‘brush up’ session (if the gals are interested in a ‘brush up’ that is).

We will also be stopping by Vista D’Oro winery, as Lee, who was part of the last Power Posse group, has just published a cookbook ‘The Preservatory’ all about her delicious preserves and I am looking forward to getting a copy and taking home another jar of her delicious vanilla rhubarb preserve.

As usual I have other ideas percolating in regards to Full Flight Life Coaching so watch this space for info about more about future offerings…

What I learned about this ‘word of the year’ process – in a nutshell

I’m sharing all this with you because I think choosing the right (for me) WOTY helped keep my focus in the above areas of my life.

So that being said I recommend;

-That you have choose a ‘WOTY’ that is right for YOU, and if you have chosen one, now would be a great time to review it and see how you are making out in terms of your progress.

-That you have the necessary supports in place to help you achieve your goals. (I could not have made progress on my health & wellness goal without enrolling in a new exercise group, or trying something new)

-Don’t be afraid to ‘make waves’ and ask the questions that need to be asked. Women have a particularly tough time with making themselves heard but when we stay small and quiet we lose our power. Don’t accept the status quo if you are uncomfortable with it.

-Make changes if you need to. Just as I quit one gym and signed up with another you may need to juggle things a bit too.

-Listen to your gut but do your research as well. I knew that in terms of our finances our fees were too high, so I asked to move our money, but before I did I made sure to do all my homework so I could stand my ground with my advisor and not get ‘talked out of things’.

As we approach the half way point of the year, take a few moments and check in with yourself and see what small adjustments or tweaks you might like to make in order to get closer to making your goals, (your dreams really!) a reality.

Hope this helps my friend!

And now I must dash, get my kids over to my Mom and Dad’s and head downtown for the big show!

Have a wonderful weekend!

xo

Eliz

PS

The below clip is from a social media post the other day (word of the year update on Instagram).

The post U2, my pant size (lol), going after your goals, and more …. appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.

Getting ready to go ‘live’ on FaceBook with Oliver’s favourite mug (he loves herons)

Getting teary on FaceBook ‘Live’ and a FREE ‘de-clutter’ mini coaching program for YOU! 

So it has been an emotional week for me.

Relief that the kids are back in school, excitement around my new FREE ‘de-clutter’ mini coaching program, feelings of joy and sadness around my son’s upcoming 11th birthday, realizing that some projects I have embarked on are tougher than I predicted, irritation around doing my income tax, pride around feeling fitter and upping my workout game (going from one, to two killer workouts each week!)….ahhhhhh so many feelings.

It never fails to amaze me how life can be both beautiful and a pain in the a@% simultaneously!

What I do realize however is that if I am experiencing some kind of ‘pain’ it is because I am choosing to believe something that does not serve me, and the best thing I could do is choose another thought, (because the truth always feels the best) but some days it is easier to do this than others.

Yesterday I did a FaceBook Live that I was quite apprehensive about because I was talking about personal stuff. I shared it because I hoped people in a similar position would relate to it or find some comfort in what I had to say.  You can check it out here and see what made me get teary eyed as the camera was rolling!

NEW, FREE STUFF FOR YOU!

I created a NEW, FREE mini coaching program for you and it starts on Monday, April 10th!

It is called the Passion Dream Challenge and it is about the de-clutter process -clearing our minds of mental clutter, clearing our spaces of physical clutter and creating a more free and gorgeous life.

Being involved in the counselling, consulting and coaching fields for many years has given me access to some stellar strategies that I use everyday  to manage overwhelm and keep from getting stuck, and as you may or may not know physical clutter is directly correlated to our mental state and vice versa.

For More Clarity -De-Clutter! 

There are certain areas in my house that I have to de-clutter constantly, because if left unchecked the mess will have a negative impact on my mood. As soon as I tackle the stuff that has piled up and see the empty space I feel a sense of calm.

My youngest son attended a Montessori pre-school and they made a point of keeping the classroom clean and un- cluttered, covering shelves with plain white covers, limiting items on the wall and picking soft not harsh lighting. I know with my two sons, particularly for Oliver who has sensory issues, having un-cluttered and tidy bedrooms is calming for them and I believe helps them to settle down faster at night.

Last autumn, after we had our garage sale (so much work for very little money!), both my husband and I felt lighter after getting rid of stuff and we experienced that great rush of energy that comes from seeing a space open up (in this case the garage).

Currently my office is undergoing a renovation of sorts -new paint, flooring, lighting etc, and as we prep for painting (we are moving so slow on this!) I have been clearing out old papers, files and books and have resolved to keep only the stuff that I really love or need, and it feels good!

Up-Level All Areas of Your Life! 

I truly believe that the tidying and updating of the spaces around you cause your to ‘up level’ your life in EVERY way, whether it is your health and wellness, your finances, your relationships, your parenting style, your job or business, or your spirituality. Sometimes it only takes a small shift to get the ball rolling.

Mental clutter-stuff like overwhelm, resistance, fear, anxiety -well those things can be more pesky,  but if you are experiencing this, not to worry, as I have tips in the Passion Dream Challenge on how to stay clear and focussed, so be sure to sign up so I can share them with YOU!

How It Works

Every day for 7 days starting Monday, April 10th I will send you a short, fun video -your Passion Dream Mission and each task will help you create a more streamlined and beautiful life.

Please note**** Even if you are a Full Flight Insider you will need to sign up for this free program as I only want people signing up who are truly interested and I don’t want to spam those who are not.

I talk a bit more about the Passion Dream Challenge in the video below ….and you can see my boys photo bomb me in it!

( Will acted as my ‘personal assistant’ the morning we filmed that, carrying an alternate coat around for me as I could not decide what coat / color I wanted to wear!) Child labour lol!….and if you care to subscribe to my You Tube channel!  Thx!

Sign Up Here

Sign up for the Passion Dream Challenge here and make sure you click on the confirmation link that will be sent to your in-box as well. If you don’t click on the confirmation e-mail then you are not signed up!

I had a lot of fun making the videos and I love the tips and tools I am sharing in them, so I hope you will join me for this free mini coaching program on April 10th!

xo

Eliz

The post Getting teary on FaceBook ‘Live’ and a FREE ‘de-clutter’ mini coaching program for YOU! appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.