And so July is coming to a close…

What ???? Already!!! Summer is half over???? Crazy.

Well it has been a good first half for me and hopefully for you too!

Since our return from our family vacation it has been a round of swimming pools and lessons and watering the garden (it has been hot!) and playing with our new puppy Rebus. He is a ‘sharp as a tack’ cairn terrier who is quite the bossy dude!  The boys are having such fun with him and Oliver can’t wait to get out of bed and greet him in the morning.

(*FYI- Rebus got his name from a favourite fictional Scottish detective of mine ‘John Rebus’)

Other Happenings!

Some of us from the Power Posse ‘Make it Happen’ group (PPMIH) met last week for dinner at Hooked restaurant at Crescent Beach and I got to check in with the ladies, see how everyone has been feeling, and catch up with how they are doing in regards to their personal goals.

Feedback so far indicates members have been ‘test driving’ the various coaching techniques I have been sharing and are pleased with the results.

Yay PP gals!

I have to say I am just thrilled at the calibre of women who have joined the PPMIH group and am blown away by their enthusiasm and how they support each other. I always come away from our get togethers thinking that when we women work together the sky is the limit!

Up next is a country / nature walk and ‘hands on’ cooking session at Vista D’Oro in late August, followed by a vision boarding session in September.

Can’t wait!

The WHOLE Truth – What a horse taught me about my fear and anxiety (one year on)…

As you probably know I am headed south to Arizona this fall, to my pal TJ’s ranch for our ‘Wild at Heart’ Nature and Equus Based Coaching retreat which will take place at TJ’s beautiful Apache Springs Ranch.

Last year after I returned from our retreat (which was called ‘Women in Transition’) I wrote about my experience of being coached by a horse.

Yes, really!

I was coached by a horse in the round pen (facilitated by TJ) and the entire exercise was ILLUMINATING.

Below I share a snippet of the post I wrote last year about the retreat and my time in the ring with Gypsy- but I had to add more.

Re-reading my article from last fall I realized I had only scratched the surface of what I discovered and I didn’t tell the WHOLE truth and honestly I probably wasn’t even conscious of the full truth back then….

…but with the passage of time I have gained more insight so I am peeling back the onion and sharing the whole shebang with you!

Be sure to keep reading to the very bottom to find out what was really going on in my head…

*Article from October 2015

For me our retreat was a peak experience on ALL levels.

I loved getting to know the bold women who signed up for this journey despite knowing very little about what they were in for and for trusting TJ and I to facilitate this experience.

And the ranch!

Wow!…

The land the Apache Springs ranch sits on is breathtaking, with mountains surrounding it and a river running through the canyon where cacti, native grasses, trees and birds abound. I saw deer, roadrunners, turkey vultures, and a desert fox too.

It is a fairly remote area, situated about 30 miles from the Mexican border so you can’t help but feel a tremendous sense of peace amidst all that wilderness. The first two days I was there the weather was unseasonably hot -like 100 degrees and my cowboy hat and sunglasses saved the day. For the remainder of the trip the temperature was perfect around 80-85 degrees and there was always a nice breeze.

Me and Gypsy in the round pen

What Gypsy Taught Me

Then there was our work with the horses. Now I have zero horse experience so this retreat was a big learning curve for me, and I got to see TJ in action and support her and the retreaters as she facilitated the coaching in the round pen (along with the life coaching I did with the women in the conference area).

I also had an opportunity to have an equus coaching session with a black horse called Gypsy who TJ described as the ‘little shit’ of the herd, but who despite his mischievous nature, really was a delight.

Equus coaching is one of those ‘you gotta experience it’ (or observe it) to understand it – but in a nut shell what happens with you and the horse in the round pen is a metaphor for life, and so in the ring your behaviours and patterns are amplified. This in turn helps you gain more insight into how you show up in the world and paves the way for taking positive action.

After fifteen minutes in the ring with Gypsy (while being coached by TJ), I was able to highlight a pattern that constantly shows up in my life, one that can be both a bonus and a hindrance…

Equus Coaching = Wisdom Gained (the FULL story)

So now for the full scoop.

*The following wasn’t included in last year’s article because basically I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on under the surface, but I do now and I am sharing!

It started with me standing in the ring with Gypsy, letting him get used to me. He was pretty chill – occasionally looking around from me to TJ and towards the horses that were penned in a nearby field.  A few minutes pass and nothing happens. Gypsy wasn’t moving, Gypsy didn’t seem too interested in me, Gypsy wasn’t going anywhere.

Hmmmmm.

I felt like he wanted to move, that the horse was waiting for me to do something, that it was looking to me for direction. For the most part I stayed still and calm, patting him and speaking to him until I felt he was comfortable with me. Then I felt the urge to take some kind of action, to make Gypsy ‘do something’.

TJ asked me what I was thinking at that moment and I said;

 “I think he wants to do something”.

TJ then asked me why I had come to that conclusion and I replied;

 “I think he is bored”. 

She then asked me how did I know he was bored?

“Well I don’t really, he just seems bored’. I replied.

Maybe you are bored? TJ suggested.

“I don’t think so”. I replied.

(*Although in truth maybe I was a bit bored because the horse and I were just standing there, doing nothing. I mean what was the point of the exercise if we just stood there the whole time?….)

Do you think maybe you are projecting this desire to ‘do something’ onto Gypsy? TJ asked.

I didn’t really know what to say at that point.

TJ went on to explain that horses stand around all day in the field and don’t feel compelled to do anything unnecessary. They don’t need to fill their time, to be busy, to ‘make things happen’.

Ahhhh….I thought. Like humans do. Like I do.

That really was the gist of what TJ was saying.

She wondered if this pattern of ‘having to make things happen’ showed up anywhere in my life?

I laughed at that and said; “Oh yeah, like ALL the time!’

Positives and Negatives of my ‘Pattern’

After that lightbulb moment TJ asked me to think about specific situations where this pattern had cropped up.

‘Well it comes up in terms of my son Oliver’s development’.  I told her. (He has special needs and I have a tendency to feel I am not ‘doing enough’ for him.

I went on.

‘And for sure it was coming up in my business too because it is new, there are a lot of challenges and unknowns and I feel like I ‘have to’ make the business a success’.

Aside-

Now to be fair this drive to ‘make things happen’ is not all bad either as it propels me forward, allows me to ‘get sh#t done’, to accomplish things, and not get stagnant.

The down side though is that at times instead of sitting back, relaxing and allowing things to happen I let fear and anxiety get the best of me (and I have thoughts like; ‘Oliver will have trouble living independently’, or  ‘I won’t make enough money with my business’ ….) and so I ‘force’ the situation, which in turns depletes my energy and sometimes adversely affects outcomes.

To be able to lead me to this personal insight so quickly (in less than 15 minutes) based on one statement I made about the horse is a testament to the power of equus coaching and TJ’s skill as a coach, and reinforces the fact that what happens in the round pen is truly a microcosm of what plays out in all areas of someones’ life.

We chatted about how I can ‘make something happen’ or ‘choose NOT to make something happen’, and how the responsibility of getting things done doesn’t always have to fall on my shoulders, that sometimes just ‘being’ is ok.

Standing with Gypsy in the round pen, TJ then had me think about how I could move forward with this new information and apply it to my ‘everyday life’ and she suggested I give a bit more thought into why I was driven to constantly ‘take action’.

*Hint – it was to do with the usual culprits -fear and anxiety.

Through the rear view mirror…

Once you start delving a bit deeper into your fear and anxiety based patterns you generally will discover a limiting belief at the heart of it, something along the lines of ‘I’m not enough’.

With this experience now a year old I can better understand the ‘why’ behind my actions, the reason behind needing to ‘make something happen’.

With my son Oliver it is fear of the future, and being anxious about a time when I am not around to care for him. With my business it was good ole’ black and white thinking like;

‘I need to ensure that this business is successful because if it isn’t I will look like a loser and then everyone will discover that I am not enough’.

Sound familiar?

If the business fails it means I am bad. If it is successful it means I’m good. (Whatever the heck that means! lol)

We all have those tapes playing in our minds at some point.

‘I am not skinny enough’.

‘I am not successful enough’.

‘I am not smart enough’.

Or…

‘I’m too old’.

‘I’m too weak’.

‘I’m too much of an introvert / extrovert’. 

It is nothing short of REMARKABLE when we are able to gain insight into our behaviour and find the negative thought at it’s root and then change our way of thinking. The possibilities then become endless!

My time with Gypsy has given me the wisdom I need so that I can more quickly catch myself when I get caught up in this anxiety, fear based energy.  Then through various coaching techniques (some of which I am sharing with my PPMIH gals and some of which we we will cover at this years retreat) I am better able to shift these thoughts from the negative to positive and RELAX.

Each retreater who joined us at last years retreat went into the round pen with a horse and had a unique, insightful experience, and what they discovered about themselves was then used to create a plan for positively moving forward in their lives.

Like I said… REMARKABLE!

*Ok lovely, this is the end of my current comments and I will take you back to to last years post where I was describing the other cool stuff we got up to at Apache Springs:

OTHER FUN RETREAT STUFF!

Along with the magical equus coaching there was the morning ‘sit spot’ where everyone spent 20 minutes sitting outside in silence as a way of gently starting the day, there was a nature walk with Juan (a full Apache Indian who works on the ranch), and a basket weaving lesson from Juan’s lovely wife Melinda.

Melinda showed us this collection of local baskets (We did not weave these!)

There were rest times and massage time, and yoga and one evening we were entertained by a father and son ‘cowboy poet’ team, and through them and Juan, we discovered a bit about the local history and the evening was capped off with star gazing from the hot tub.

All in the retreat was restful, reenergizing, insightful and fun!

… and for me it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life as I SO enjoyed working with TJ and sharing the experience with the amazing women who joined us and I loved soaking up the atmosphere of the Apache Springs ranch.

There really is something life changing that happens when you are part of a like minded and supportive ‘tribe’, have time for reflection and solitude, get to connect with the magnificent animal that is the horse, all while being surrounded by the beauty of nature (and being treated like a rock star I might add!).

After my retreat ‘high’ I think you can see why I needed a few days to get back into the swing of real life and for the record I think I was dealing with the post retreat blues too!

Anyhow it is all good now, I am left with new friendships, wonderful memories and a newly found admiration for horses and the state of Arizona!

*End of previous newsletter

Apache Springs resident

See ya’!

Hope you enjoyed my ‘expanded’ recap of last years’ retreat and I hope that summer is treating you well my friend!

If you are interested in finding out more about our upcoming ‘Wild at Heart’ retreat CLICK HERE for the details and keep in mind that early bird pricing ends August 15th.

See ya’ (virtually!) in August!

xo

Eliz

The gang from last years retreat.

The post What a horse taught me about my fear & anxiety… (I’m telling the whole story this time!) appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.

As some of you know TJ Killoran and I are hosting our inaugural ‘Women in Transition’ equine facilitated and nature based coaching retreat October 1-4th at TJ’s Apache Springs ranch in Arizona.

In today’s post I am sharing with you the story of how this retreat came to be and have included a link to an article in Oprah’s magazine ‘O’ about what coaching with these magnificent animals can do for you.

AND…

…a Q & A session with certified Equus coach TJ so you can get to know her and understand her work a little better.

How TJ and I first connected

We first met when we were newly enrolled students in Martha Beck’s life coach training program. You may know Martha from Oprah’s magazine ‘O’ where she is a monthly contributor, and YES she is as good as they say when it comes to life coaching!

In fact she is down right remarkable but I digress…

Shortly after classes started I reached out to TJ online as I had seen from the class list that she was also from Western Canada and I was hoping to connect with others in the Pacific time zone. The majority of the other students in the program were from the States, some were even from as far away as Germany, Dubai and Malaysia.

Our on line conversation went like this;

Eliz: ‘I live about 40 minutes from Vancouver’.

TJ:  ‘I’m from Surrey’.

Eliz: ‘Really? I’m from Surrey too, South Surrey’.

TJ: ‘I’m from South Surrey too…’

We whittled it down even further and discovered that we live in the same neighbourhood and that I could walk to her house in about 10 minutes!

While we were immersed in our coach training TJ was also working on her equus coaching certification with Koelle Simpson at Martha’s North Star ranch in Northern California, as well as renovating the horse ranch that she and her husband had recently bought,  AND doing all that needs to be done when you are a Mom with 3 older kids, one of whom still lives at home.

This was one busy lady!

Q & A with Certified Equus Coach TJ Killoran

Eliz: So TJ what inspired you to sign up for equus coaching?

TJ: After attending an equine facilitated learning workshop with my sister, entitled ‘The Power of the Herd’, I was mesmerized.  I had not been around horses for many years.  My older sister invited me to a workshop in Arizona, and told me it involved “leadership and horses”.  It sounded fun, and at that point in my life, I was looking for adventure, excitement, something new.  I went and found everything I was looking for and more! I had not been as nervous, curious, elated, teary, connected and alive, as I was those four days.

At the end of the fifth day, I did an exercise that was called ‘Hearts Desire’  it is similar to a body compass exercise (Eliz-this is a Martha Beck tool that we use in coaching), except with horses.  With my eyes closed, I was asked to scan my body for sensations- while I did this, I was also asked what visions or pictures I could see.  I said the first thing that came to mind, which was;

“I see a herd of horses running from left to right in front of me with their manes blowing in the wind.  I also see a Native American’s profile with long dark hair blowing in the same direction as the horses are running, so that the hair of the horses manes overlapped with the hair of the Native American”

This may not seem odd except that I was a Vancouver gal, with no real connection to Native American people, and never before this moment had ever had images of horses in my head.  None of it made much sense until a few months later when I found myself the owner of a ranch in Arizona that had previously been Apache Indian land, and later an Arabian horse breeding ranch.  This is just one example of the strange experiences I had while at this equus retreat.

Eight months later I saw an article in Oprah’s magazine describing an equine facilitated retreat with Koelle Simpson (Click here  http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Koelle-Simpsons-Equine-Therapy to read the article that TJ  refers to).

I went to the weekend retreat which was called ‘Listening for Truth’, and once again I was torn open.  I did a lot more crying at this one, but they were break through tears. I fell in love again with the horses, with the facilitators, and what coaching with horses could do for people.  I went home, signed up for life coaching with Martha Beck (which you had to have in order to be an Equus Coach) and Equus coaching with Koelle Simpson, and 18 months later and after many trips to California, I was both a Certified Martha Beck Life Coach and a Certified Equus coach.

Eliz: What makes equus coaching different than regular life coaching?

TJ: Horses are prey animals. In the wild their lives depend on the accurate readings of their environments. The minute you walk into a round pen (even before you walk in) you are in the horses environment and a conversation has begun. Without judgement a horse will reflect back to you how you show up in the world. Through the guidance of your coach and the gentle interaction with the horse you will receive a portal into self discovery that is not available elsewhere. With a clear sense of self you will learn what it means to direct your life from your essential self and thrive in the world with increased ease and purpose.

Eliz: What is one of the more memorable moments you have had with a client while doing the equus coaching?

TJ: I was working with a professional woman who is employed in the financial sector.  Being young and female she is in the minority in this industry.  She had no prior horse experience, but was curious to see if working with a horse in a round pen could improve her leadership skills at the office.

The horse she worked with was a spirited Arabian female named Gypsy.  When she entered the ring, the horse quickly moved to the other side of the arena.  She tried to interact with Gypsy, but the horse was not interested.  I asked her to see if she could get the horse to do something that she asked it, like to move to the other side of the arena or move in a certain direction.  This young woman tiptoed around, a little nervous, and it was clear that the whole experience was taking her out of her comfort zone.  After several minutes of trying different things and not being able to get Gypsy to respond I asked her to take a break and just breathe.

I explained to her that in a herd of horses, the leader is determined by the other horses, as the horse that has the most calm, clear energy will be the leader of the group.  Horses are prey animals, and their main goal is to stay alive.  The horse that can keep the herd out of danger is the leader. The herd will entrain (connect) to the calm energy of the leader, and the rest will willingly follow.

I asked the client ‘Who in this situation is the leader, you or Gypsy?’  She  thought about this while she continued the breathing exercise, and in the process became very still and focused. Gypsy calmed down and turned towards her. The horse had immediately responded to the change in the young woman’s heart rate, sensing the calm that the client was now experiencing.  When I asked her to try again to engage with Gypsy she did so with ease.  The horse was more than willing to do what was being asked of her, which was simply to walk in a slow pace around the outside of the round pen.

The client explained to me that once she got clear that this big, strong animal was actually looking for a leader, she overcame her fear, and was able to step up and lead.  I asked her how this feeling of calmness might help her out in the workplace? Now that she had a visceral feeling of what it meant to be a leader, she could take this home with her and call upon the memory whenever she felt the need to step into the leadership role.

Eliz: Why did you and your husband decide to purchase a ranch in Arizona?

TJ: My husband was selling his company and was about to retire at age 55. I only had one child left at home, and was beginning to wonder “what comes next?” During the final dinner at the equine facilitated retreat I attended with my sister someone mentioned Apache Springs Ranch, and how it had been sitting empty for the past four years.  Out of the blue, I found myself asking if the ranch was for sale. It was.  I promptly went home and told my husband we should buy that ranch.  My husband and kids thought I had lost my mind.  I went to bed, and unbeknownst to me,  my husband had stayed up long after me to research the ranch on the internet. By morning he was asking me if I was committed, because he now thought this was the best idea in the world.

One month after going to the horse workshop with my sister, my husband and I flew down to see Apache Springs. It was February 14th, 2013. We were awestruck.   By the end of May 2013 we had signed the contract and were the proud owners of the ranch.   Prior to the  workshop with my sister 5 months earlier,  I had never ever considered living in the desert OR owning a ranch – this was the result of one weekend of coaching with horses- Beware !

Eliz: What makes Apache Springs so special?

TJ: There is something about the land there, the history, the beauty, the animals, the ruggedness, the remote solitude that makes being there magical.  I can’t really explain why or what it is exactly, but it truly is an oasis in the desert!

End of Q & A

So now you know a little more about TJ and about equine facilitated coaching!

 As our retreat date draws closer (October 1st!!!!!) I am getting more excited about meeting the participants, interacting with the horses and taking in the beautiful high desert on which the Apache Springs ranch sits.

We do have two spots left too, so if you want to come along click the links below.

Retreat info:

http://www.fullflightlifecoaching.com/events/

Haven’t checked out the Apache Springs ranch yet? Click here http://www.apachespringsranch.com

And for those of you who can’t make it to the retreat but still are looking to make some EPIC shifts in your life then keep reading…

…As mentioned in my last post my Overwhelmed to Optimal 3 month program is on special offer until Sept. 30th, 2015 but ONLY for my newsletter subscribers.

This includes 9, 1 hour coaching sessions for $999 + 1 free Dream Analysis session, so 10 coaching sessions for $999.

Regular price is $1200 so this is a good deal!

Interested? Check out the below link

http://www.fullflightlifecoaching.com/overwhelmed-to-optimal/

If you are reading this on the web or elsewhere and aren’t a subscriber click the link below to sign up for the Full Flight Newsletter and I will send you my free e-book 6 Secrets to Managing Overwhelm

http://www.fullflightlifecoaching.com/newsletter-signup/

Here’s to harnessing that crisp autumn energy and hope this back to school week has been a good one!

xo

Eliz

The post Why four legs can be better than two when it comes to coaching plus a Q & A with Equus Coach (and co-facilitator of our Women in Transition retreat) TJ! appeared first on Elizabeth Ritchie Counselling & Coaching Services.